[Vulnerability & Power - X]
I grew up seeking approval at home. (Who didn’t?)
Did I win the award?
Did I play well at the soccer game?
Are my grades high enough?
I also wanted to fit into the popular crowd. (Who didn’t, really?)
Am I wearing the right clothes?
Do I use the new slang?
Am I aware of that new song or TV series?
As I aged, seeking approval transferred to my professors, employers, and colleagues.
Do I appear smart enough?
Have I achieved enough?
Did I sell enough, make enough, earn enough?
Seeking approval, which is really a craving for affirmation, is not inherently wrong. What begins in childhood as a need to be filled by ones immediate nurturing community (family) must mature inward. Seeking approval in adulthood is the consequence of an undeveloped sense of self and misplaced security.
In childhood, seeking approval is an embrace of vulnerability and a fear of isolation; in adulthood it is protection from vulnerability and a fear of authentic connection.
Perhaps this is why so many grown men share affirmation as their “love language”. It’s the result of an undeveloped ability to belong to themselves and a latent childhood craving to fit in.
