[Vulnerability & Power - IX]
Fitting in takes a lot of energy, but the payoff is worth it.
Don’t believe the lie.
We believe that a little sacrifice of our authentic self, a little tweaking of our perspective, a small renovation of our convictions, and some repressing of our sensitivities are all a smaller price to pay for the payout of belonging to the group. But the return on investment is not the invaluable experience of belonging; rather, it’s fitting in, which is being accepted on the terms of the group, regardless of who we really are.
The truth is that we spend a lot of energy on fitting in, and what we get is participation in a “community” that values who we’re not more than who we are. The payoff doesn’t fulfill but further exhausts us.
Belonging requires we first and foremost stop expending our energy being accepted.
[h/t Brene Brown]
