Little & Local

[Self-Pity - II]

My brother, Rob, wrestled down his thoughts on self-pity. I was encouraged by what he finally pinned to the mat: not a theory about the emotion but a small pragmatic shift that boosts confidence and motivation.

He found that self-pity is the emotional repercussion of focusing on "the missing, the lost, or the could have been.”

"It is a negative comparison to what others have (and we don’t).
What others have accomplished (and we haven’t.
Or, what we think they will accomplish (and we won’t)."

He finds helpful the concept of Relative Deprivation, as introduce to him by Malcom Gladwell. In part, it’s "how you feel about your abilities that shapes your willingness to tackle challenges and finish difficult tasks. That willingness is a crucial element in motivation and confidence”.

Rob suggests we remove (or remove ourselves from) the destructive impulse to compare ourselves to others. Instead of focusing on what they have (and we don’t), we ought to focus on "what is present, what we have, and what we can do.”

Start with the little and the local.
Small acts of kindness.
Small steps of faith.
Small sacrifices made.
Small risks taken.
All of these are within your capabilities today.

"What we can do today might be the little mustard seed of difference and a foundation for tomorrow.”