Three Lies

[Insecurity - IX]

Insecurity thrives on three lies.

"You are what you do."
"You are what you have."
"You are what people think of you."

Here’s the problem: They’re worn out. Mentors talk about them; pastors preach against them; parents lecture on them. And times have changed.

Still lies? Of course.
But they're trite.

If we restate them, they gain their edge (and accuracy) again.

“You are what you do” assumes a shared understanding of prestige. With the rise of the gig economy, the proliferation of graduate degrees, and the flattening of bureaucracies, prestige is being diluted. But your accomplishments are valued . . . to those on the inside. Prestige aside, you and I are acutely aware of others in our fields that win awards and rise to the top. The lie has become, “You are judged by the relative accomplishments you’ve made in your career.” These accomplishments, more than your job or position, elevate you above your nearest colleague. Personal websites, LinkedIn, and CV’s fuel this lie.

“You are what you have” was louder when there were clear class distinctions. The Joneses next door, of course, were always the first to show off their latest symbol of middle class luxury. However, “everyone” has a flat screen and a Subaru these days. The lie is less material now . . . and it’s inverted. It says, “You are what you don’t have,” and it piggybacks on the false promises of material ownership. If you have a comfortable life, give your children the latest things, and take an annual vacation to wherever, you won’t have any number of unwanted “baggage": marital strife, anxiety and depression, “problem” children—you name it. Obviously a lie!

“You are what people think of you” meant more in communities of proximity, where interactions with physical neighbors were normative and reputation mattered. As so much of our work and social lives have moved online, “reputation” seems like an artifact of the late 1900’s. Now, your “likes” matter more. So do your “followers” and the content of your "comment section”. But those are merely the byproduct of an insatiable online "machine", one that craves sensationalism, ideology, and confirmation bias. Instead, the lie is “You are your social media content and your subscriber count.”

Three lies of insecurity, restated for today:
“You are judged by the relative accomplishments you’ve made in your career.”
“You are what you don’t have.”
“You are your social media content and your subscriber count.”