[Tension & Renewal - XVII]
Co-dependance is unhealthy and unsustainable. And it’s more insidious and camouflaged than just being "needy.” Co-dependance can hide as a virtue, or for religious folks, as faithfulness. But it’s not. It’s just rationalized unhealth and should be exorcised.
Co-dependance is seeing your partner as mad (or any other difficult emotion) and thinking it’s your fault. His feelings are his responsibility. He should be a big boy.
Co-dependance is prioritizing your partner’s instability, and putting your wellbeing off until she is stable. Your wellbeing and her stability are not a zero-sum game. She should be a big girl and invest in her own wellbeing so that you both can stand on mutual ground and offer mutual self-giving love.
Co-dependance is believing you can change or fix your partner. Only he can change himself. You are not his savior.
The foundation of healthy (non-co-dependent) relationships is taking responsibility for your own experience, growth, and wellbeing… and it’s a good sign of renewal.
