Is it the Fear We Fear?

[More on Fear – I]

Do you fear flying in a plane?
Public speaking?
Going to work in a crowded office building?

Do you let your kids fly in planes?
Would you allow your friend to speak in public?
Does your mom work in a crowded building?

Fear and safety are not necessarily correlated (whether we tell ourselves they are or not). If they were we would protect our loved ones from the very things we fear.

If our fear is not evidence-based risk assessment, then what is it? Restriction on our chest, shortness of breath, cold sweat, and shaky hands are sensations associated with fear. So are racing thoughts, images of getting hurt, and imagined failure. As it turns out, there are real, measurable consequences we fear, and we have proof . . . look how drenched my shirt is.

But it’s not the thing we fear; it’s the fear we fear. Or, we fear all sensations we associate with the fear. That's why we can loathe flying and send our kids right on their way to visit grandma in another state.

Next time the anxiety kicks in, don’t run. Instead, grab a notepad. Taking notes improves your emotional literacy and disarms the fear behind the fear.