Using the Wrong Words

[Facing Fears – III]

Exposing ourselves to our fears is counterintuitive. While we’re genetically wired for the challenge of habituation, our nervous system, thought processes, and memory all suggest otherwise. We want to run, which, unfortunately, runs us deeper into its grip. Perhaps part of the problem are the refrains we tell ourselves and others.

“I’m afraid.”
“I’m anxious.”
“I’m scared.”

All three are powerful admissions, especially when avoidance and denial are primary coping strategies. But we wouldn't say, “I’m a head cold” or “I’m failure.”

A cold is what you call the symptoms of fighting an upper respiratory, viral infection. It’s not who you are. It’s what you’re temporarily experiencing.

Failure is the measurement of an action. It helps make meaning of the past. It doesn’t dictate your future, and it’s definitely not who you are. You experience failure; you are not a failure.

“I’m feeling anxious” or “I have fear right now” cuts through the lie that it’s permanent, it defines you, and there is no way out. And, counterintuitively, it gives you some staying power to face it.